The Skinny Knitter

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Doggie Competition?

Do you ever have those inner competitions with yourself? You know, the "I wonder if I can make it an entire day without peeing?"

(I'll have you know, I did manage that one. My doctor just luuuved me when I came in the next day with a roaring bladder infection. BUT I DID IT.)

Or "I wonder if I can drink an entire gallon of water in one day." Who cares if you have to LIVE in the bathroom.

Or "I bet I could jump on one leg all the way to that corner over there."

I have these little competitions with myself all the time. Maybe I'm just a total quack, or a crazy competitive person, but I like to think of myself as normal. Everyone does these little things. Right? RIGHT??

Perhaps to give you a little insight into how competitive I am, I should share the story that has forever marred me in my friends eyes...the one involving the board game Sorry!. A few years ago when we were all in college our house was the hang out spot. When you have a 2 year old, it's much easier to ship him off to bed at 7 and enjoy the rest of the when it's time to head off to bed we would just have to walk down the hallway, not throw a passed out 2 year old over our shoulders and lug him to the car.

Once it was discovered that I would promptly pass out in the first 5 minutes if we watched a movie, board games were our best bet. We had a good stash of them and worked our way down to Sorry!. (BTW...If you ever want to play a good game, get Attack Uno. The first time someone brought it over they told the hubby to hold it up, look inside, and push the button. Cards came shooting out at him, barely missing blinding him for life. It is crazy how fun that game is.) Sorry started off nice....drawing cards and moving however many spaces the card tells you to. Everything was hunky dory until someone drew a Sorry! card. And they took me out. MY ONLY GUY! THEY TOOK HIM OUT!!

Some serious shit hit the fan.

Whenever I drew a Sorry! card I would look right in the eye of the person as I knocked out their guy with my own, sending it flying across the room. HA. Sorry my ass. I'm not sorry. HA. I was out for sweet revenge against everyone, and the sweet Sam image people had of me up until that point COMPLETELY disappeared that night. I even had one of my friends confess he was scared of me that night. He'd never seen anyone take a game of Sorry! so seriously.

And now I'm convinced my dear sweet doggy is getting in on the act. We've had this routine ever since he came to live in our crazy, house full of yarn. Every night before bed he hears me get up to go wash my face and does about 15 big doggy stretches to get himself ready to face the great outdoors that is our backyard. And he goes around, sniffing everything there is to be sniffed, pees, and comes tromping back up to the back door ready to come in and go to bed.

The last few nights though, he's done the doggy stretches, walked outside, sniffed around, and HAS NOT PEED. Maybe, it's because he's spending lots of his time in the afternoons out there. But I secretly think he's pulling my trick....let's see how long I can go without peeing. And make this lady crazy to boot.

I bet the neighbors get a good laugh listening to me beg the dog to "just Please, Please go pee. Come on, Toby. See that nice spot over there? Doesn't it look inviting?"

I heard the hubby secretly snickering inside last night and just knew all the neighbors were doing the same.


  • At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Ryan said…

    We've got you beat--and TMK will kill me for telling you this, but we even have a little song we sing about peeing and pooing while we wait at night for Frankie to do her bidness. I mean, how else are you going to entertain yourself?

  • At 11:14 AM, Blogger Stalker Angie said…

    Our Alex won't do his business unless we say a certain phrase. My hubby trained him this way. I hate him for that sometimes. I know my neighbors hate me because I have to stand in my backyard and tell Alex, "Take a sh*t, boy. Right there, Alex. Take a sh*t." And it has to be done in a cutesy sing song voice or he gets upset. There are days I make my hubby do this because I refuse to take him outside. Ugh,

  • At 10:12 AM, Anonymous TMK said…

    I'm not going to kill Ryan, because I was just about to tell the same story--but she beat me to it!

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