The Skinny Knitter

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

White HOT Pants, Literally....

Whew, what a birthday that was. I'm still recovering. Shopping? By myself? That takes days to get off the high from. The hubby had a good laugh at me. He came home and I was in a black slip dress and flip flops. He asked me, shocked, if I was actually going shopping "In THAT?!" I explained to him what every woman instinctually knows. A slip dress is easy to get in and out of and flip flops you can stand on, instead of the dirty dressing room floor. He had a good laugh at my planning.

So off I went to flit around without constantly looking behind me to make sure my slow, non hand holding, child was still there. He insists on walking just enough behind me to make me nervous, but not enough to warrant yelling at him.

Anyway, I found the most perfect pair of pants at Ann Taylor. For those of you know don't know, Ann Taylor is having a big additional 40% off sale. I got the most beautiful white lined pants for $35 buckaroos. Run, I tell you. Good deals.

I was so excited to pair them with my new black & white polka dot shirt. I though I was pretty hot stuff walking across the lobby and into the elevator, that is until a very nice woman stopped me and pulled me aside to discretly tell me I had a giant PRICE TAG sticking out the back of my shirt. Oh ya, forgot about that.

I ripped it off, and went back to being hot stuff. If I only knew how short lived that would be. I made it through half a cup of coffee & a Costco muffin when my phone rang. What happened next is all in slow motion. If I could imagine music playing it would be that tune from Sesame Street. You know the one that plays when the muppets are in slow motion? That one.

The phone cord dared to wrap around my coffee cup and as I pulled the phone toward my face I watched in disbelief as that damn cup flipped up, spun around and splashed coffee all over my beautiful pants. And by all over, I mean ALL OVER from the knee down. I stood in the storage/kitchen room of the office, in shock.

GOOD GOD, how did this happen? And what the hell do I do? Before I realized it a whole circle of girls I work with came in and stood back in horror. We had a quick brainstorm and the best solution was to run the pants under cold water to get the stain out before it dried.

"Do you have any other pants?"

Um, I regularly carry other pants with me, RIGHT?! HA! Even when Drake was a baby I'd find myself with a blow out diaper and no clothes. We'd show up somewhere with him wrapped in the blanket and a strong smell of poop eminating from our car. I have no concept of preparedness.

So I climbed onto the counter and put both legs in the sink. My boss sat there and rubbed my pants, freezing cold water pouring over us from the faucet. I tried to see if we could do kinda warmish coldish, but the anwser was a strong NO. It had to be FREEZING cold. I then climbed out of the sink and realized in the process we had run cold water up the back of my pants and they were plastered to me from my ankle to my waist. WHITE PANTS PEOPLE!! Not a pretty picture. And remember, I work in an office full of people in Ann Taylor and expensive dress clothes. Why am I always the one who manages things like this???

But I did manage to save my one pair of Ann Taylor pants. I had to sit at my desk for a few hours with the bottoms of them dripping water all over the floor. And with them just a leettle bit plastered to me.

And in the middle of all this I'm remembering I'm meeting
Ryan for lunch. And I've never met Ryan. And she's going to think I'm a total quack showing up like that. But here's where the story gets really good.

We had arranged to meet up for lunch and so I could pick up my tickets for an M's game conveniently created for knitters called "Stitch 'n Pitch." Knitting and baseball, perfect. Baseball is so boring, the knitting keeps you entertained. I printed out Ryan's directions and set off.

She told me to follow the one street all the way up to another. Turns out the one street does not meet up with the other the way I came. A few turns later, and wala, I had it figured out. Her next direction was turn LEFT, and look for the building with red curbs, 3 driveways down. I turned left, waited 3 driveways and turned. It was a restaurant. I, for some reason, don't think Ryan works at a restaurant. Maybe she got her driveways mixed up.

Next clue. Red curbs. I start driving up and down the street looking for red curbs. THEY'RE ALL RED. She mentioned her building had some stucco so I figured what the heck, the La Quinta Inn is stucco, maybe she's a big wig there. La Quinta was driveway #4, it's easy enough to mix up 3 & 4. So I went in to the front desk where I found a lady with a few missing teeth. I asked if a Ryan worked there and was told a resounding no. Thank god. I didn't want to imagine sweet Ryan working at La Quinta Inn.

That was the last straw to me and I made the sad trip back to the office with no lunch, no meeting Ryan, and no tickets. I found an email from Ryan waiting for me asking what happened, and when I told her the details she gently said I must have accidentally turned left. I had to make a quick reply gently reminding her SHE TOLD ME TO! She apologized profusely and we're on again for later in the week.

And Ryan? RIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHT.

5 Comments:

  • At 4:21 PM, Blogger Jodi said…

    OMG, that was so freaking funny! And totally something I would (and have!) done!

    One time on the way to work I took a sip from my huge diet coke from Subway and dumped it ALL over my brand new (coincidentally!) Ann Taylor khaki skirt. I grabbed napkins and swiped at it and it ALL came off! It was like a miracle! Stainguard? Who knows, but there was not a single spot remaining!

     
  • At 6:19 PM, Anonymous Mary Fran said…

    You crack me up! I wish we had a picture of you with your legs in the sink.

     
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